The connection between sex and relationships.
Sex should not be the defining factor in a relationship. It should not take improving your sex life to keep the love and intimacy alive with your life partner, whether it is with another man or a woman. Yet still men, maybe more than women, see their ability to perform in the bedroom as a symbol of the health of the relationship. There is no point saying this is wrong, as it is what they believe and feel deep within. To invalidate this feeling, this idea, is to likely push that person more towards purposely failing the relationship, than helping to save it.
For men, sex is a primal instinct. It is what grinds deep in your gut and, like every man from the caveman onwards, you have felt driven to show your desire and sense of connection through sexual intercourse. Sex is the relationship for a man. For a woman, love is the relationship.
So, it is important to begin by talking to your partner and explaining how you feel. Explain to your partner that you feel your impotence or your loss of libido or the premature ejaculations are all signs to you that you are failing them. You may even want to explore if this sexual irregularity is caused by a loss of the fire in the relationship and whether the partner believes this is as terminal for the relationship as you feel it might be.
Talking is a surprisingly easy way of releasing the anxiety and depression that may itself be contributing to the dysfunctions in the bedroom. Communication in a relationship is the defining factor in knowing whether it is in trouble or not. By talking you are making healthy what once felt like death. Easy is of course relative. Talking about your sexual health and sexual performance is incredibly exposing and if there is one generalization that is almost always a fact: men hate feeling vulnerable.
How sex can improve a relationship
So, maybe, just maybe, rather than focusing on how sex can save a relationship, it is important to think how sex can improve a relationship. A small but important change in focus. The relationship isn’t broken because the sex has stopped or is less often, it is just not easy to express how you feel anymore.
Think about the story of Yin and Yang. When joined Yin and Yang bind together to bring heaven and earth at one point in time. It is transcendental. Women the Yin empower and give life to Yang by bonding in intimate partnership. It is not the merging of bodily juices; it is the bonding of two human beings whose body is designed to fit together, to become a union of one. If your union with another man is as important, remember you too are designed to form a single being.
So do not save your relationship with sex. Improve your relationship with the action of sex. Ask your partner to help you fit inside her or him again, so that you can feel bonded. Ask them to work with you to bring back your libido, your erection, your control. After 30 men suffer a reduction in hormones that feeds virility. It is not a sign of your emotions, it is a sign of your bodily chemicals. Reach out and say how important it to you, as a man, to feel physically connected to your life partner. It is not a selfish desire for pleasure; it is a need so deep inside that you have no words for this feeling – maybe just a growl.
Do some research, get playful, work together to find ways to make this place of together happy again – and improve your relationship. Don’t disregard any possibility. The adventure is in learning what might work for you and your life partner. Be cheeky, be playful, be daring – who knows what will work. But, also – be safe – with your body, your mind, your emotions – and those of the person you love.
How to help yourself to help your sex life and then to improve your relationship
You deserve a better life. You deserve to find something that will make it easier to make the changes that will make your happier. It is not embarrassing – it is not what other people do.
There, now we are passed the point where we think that seeking supplements to help with life is for other, more deserving people – there is some news worth sharing. There are three products made from herbs, used for centuries by ancient medics who sought to bring balance and happiness to others. Here are some details of these products to help you in your pursuit of a happier relationship.
Tongkat Ali is an herb known as herbal Viagra by some and deemed as one the most effective aphrodisiacs by Dr Oz. This herb builds up gradually in your system, prompting it to naturally produce more testosterone. This means that your body won’t go into overdrive immediately but the changes are sustainable and unlikely to cause more problems that they solve! This herb also improves blood flow to your vital parts and is a known natural supplement against depression. Come on, now – surely this sounds like something that could really help you out.
AE-3 is actually three different supplements brought together in one place: chrysin, nettle root and Diindolylmethane (DIM). This supplement, also sold as SD-200, fights the three causes of reduced sexual performance in men. The first of these is aromatase, which is the conversion of testosterone to estrogen. This is a natural part of ageing – as the body seeks to cool your fervour so you don’t dislocate a hip or something similar. The second is SHBG – which takes testosterone out of action, as it is a globule that binds with sex hormones. The third is an excess of estrogen in the body, which is a result of the andropause – the male version of the menopause. It is not only women who lose fertility as they age.
Horny Goat Weed is an actual supplement. If you cannot walk into a shop and ask for Horny Goat Weed because, you know, you have dignity and everything – then ask for GH-2 instead. This is a potent aphrodisiac that clearly drives goats wild. It is also known as the brain tonic of the ancients – because it meant an ancient mortal lived each day experiencing 100 orgasms. Now, this is a lofty goal but is a sign that you could be helped to have maybe 2 or 3 orgasms a week as a mortal. This is an herb that grows high in the mountains and so draws nutrients from the soil and rock to keep living – therefore it is great for your body on many other levels too. (PS it helps with the symptoms of PMS and menopause mood disorders in women… this in itself might help your sex life and improve your relationship!)
Sex isn’t everything – but it is something. It is how men express their intimate bond with their life partner. Age is cruel and strips men of the virility they once enjoyed and it becomes easy to blame the relationship for the problem and not the body you want to use to show love for the relationship. It is time to do something about improving your life by improving your relationship by improving your sex-life – in that order. Go on, you deserve a bit of happiness.